drink it, poppet!

i thought it was time that i let you all hear the story of my office's christmas party. get ready.

the actual party was at the house of commons on monday and we spent the entire day getting ready for it so i didn't have time to eat lunch (warning sign number one). during the party i had to check people in off the guest list and while i sat at the table doing so, i apparently didn't notice that there was always a full glass of red wine sitting in front of me (warning sign number two). my "dinner" consisted of said red wine and a handful of peanuts.

after the party was over we had to clean everything up, which included the half empty bottles of wine that lydia (who actually calls people poppet) and i thought would it would be a good idea to steal. so, on our way out of westminster hall we smuggled bottles of wine in our jackets. i probably could have been shot by a sniper security officer or something.

we went to the red lion in whitehall afterward, where john (who is technically my boss even though he's only a year older than me) proceeded to get hit on by these two crazy scottish women who had been at the party and then followed us. lydia threatened to smash this one guy's glasses (which were still on his face) and then got really offended when he stopped talking to her. apparently, she thought she was being charming.

after the red lion closed, we got on the bus to soho and that's when i stop remembering individual bars. i remember that we got into one for free because we followed one of those sketchy guys on the sidewalk who pretended to know the owner. i think we were also at a gay bar for awhile. i do remember that john kept walking around bars to bum ciggarettes for lydia and i and that we kept leaving bars when they closed to find another one. also, i didn't pay for a drink all night because they magically kept appearing in my hands.

it was around 2:30 or 3 when lydia and i decided that we couldn't actually drink anymore and went to find the night bus. she was headed for islington and i was going back to south ken so we had to part ways and i think she was a little concerned that i wasn't actually going to get home.

i did, however, make it back to queen's gate and managed to climb into my top bunk. i remember being concerned that i wouldn't be able to climb the ladder. pattie must have woke up when i came in because she said that i fell right into bed once i got up there and was laying backward because i couldn't turn my body around. unfortunately, the lights were off and i remember thinking that i had the spins and that it would probably be a good idea if i made myself sick, to get it all out of my system. what i wasn't counting on was that i would be throwing up for the next hour (pattie timed me).

also, at some point in the night lydia spilled wine on my jeans and when i got home i thought it would be smart to throw them in the shower. i didn't really know what to do next so i just threw them over my closet door. i mention this because pattie saw my pants dripping wet when i got home and she thought that i had somehow fallen into the thames.

thankfully, everyone in the office got to come in late and with massive hangovers. unsurprisingly, i did not do a whole lot of work on tuesday. but i was told that i was the intern who could drink the most. i'm not really sure if that's just counting this year or all of office intern history, but i'll take it as a semi-compliment.

this was definitely one of the top five times i've been drunkest. so without further ado, in no particular order, here are the lucky five (with a bullet!)

• this year's office christmas party
• this summer's pub crawl
• the party at fran brazowski's cabin in twelfth grade
• kensey's christmas party
• carl barlow's graduation party my freshman year